The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I'm on Blogger Maternity Leave!

2010-06-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

The new baby is here! So, I'm going to take a break. (No, I can't take a break from my full-time mom duties, but blogging will have to be put on hold, for at least a while.)

But don't fret! You can still get your The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly fix! Just take a peek back at my past posts, using the links to the right. And I'll be back soon with some more snarky insights and misadventures of being a full-time mom!

In the meantime, I'll be thinking of a blogger nickname to give the little guy. Any suggestions?

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-06-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

"Babies are such a nice way to start people."
~ Don Herrold

Return of the Diaper Bag

2010-06-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

I had given away my old diaper bag. I didn't need it anymore, with both my kids potty-trained, and we weren't sure if we were going to have anymore kids. I didn't really liking this particular one in the first place, and I found it impractical even when I did need it. So, it was donated, along with all my other maternity and baby items, about 2 years ago.

Well, now I needed one. Baby number three is on his way, and I have nothing to carry all the miscellaneous items that comes with having a child in tow. So, after much searching, we found a simple, yet roomy and practical, bag that both Hubby and I would be comfortable holding: messenger strap, gender neutral colors, with all the pockets we needed. Man, this thing was huge! Much bigger than the cute little purse I've been toting around for the past two years! Did I really need all this room?

So I thought I test it out, making sure it could hold all we needed. But... what did we need? It had been about three years since I carried around a diaper bag, and I had totally forgotten what all goes in there. I mean, I obviously knew the diapers go in there, and the wipes... and stuff to feed the kid. But what else?

As every woman in my generation would do, I Googled "what goes in a diaper bag," and was led to several helpful websites. Here's what they all (pretty much) listed:

Diapers (more than you think you'll need -- one for every hour you'll be out)
Wipes
Changing pad
Diaper-rash cream
2 burp cloths
1 receiving blanket
Extra sweater, shirt, pants, and pair of socks for baby
Hat (sun hat for sunny days, knit cap for cold days)
Baby sunscreen
Baby bottles, depending on how long between feedings
Formula (if you use them)
At least one toy or book
Baby's favorite comfort item
2 bibs
Two pacifiers (if you use them)
Plastic bags for tossing dirty diapers or wrapping up soiled clothes
Extra shirt for you for unexpected spills
Personal items for you like cell phone, wallet, etc.

After packing all that stuff up, the diaper bag was now curiously tiny. What happened? Where was I supposed to keep my lipstick? And how was I supposed to carry this monstrosity? It was all coming back to me... the Revenge of the Diaper Bag! I thought carrying my baby around for nine months was heavy? This thing was enormous, cumbersome, and heavy! And I had been sentenced to carry it (along with my baby, his car seat, and any other necessary gear) for the next 2 to 3 years!

Maybe that's what the last nine months of "weight-lifting" had been training me for! No wonder I had conveniently blocked this part out of my memory!

I waved goodbye to my purse. Goodbye cute little clutch, with my lipstick, compact, cell phone, and wallet. Hello, large, bulky backpack with... EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD!!!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-06-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

"The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste, or eaten within twenty-four hours."

~ Lady Hasluck

The Pregnancy Exercise Plan

2010-06-14T07:21:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago I wrote a post about my Mommy Exercise Plan, filled with daily parenting activities that make us moms break out in a sweat and raise our heartbeats. Whether or not they actually burn calories is debatable, but I think they should, anyway. And now that I'm pregnant, I decided to write a list especially for us expecting mommies.

We all know how important exercise is while you're pregnant. Moderate physical activity is "extremely beneficial for most expectant mothers and their babies," touts the pregnancy bible, What to Expect When You're Expecting. Exercise while pregnant can make you look and feel better, stimulate your heart and lungs, process oxygen easier, relieve some aches and pains, and help make relaxing before and during labor a lot easier.

That is, if you have the time and energy.

Well, no worries. I have come up with a feasible plan for pregnant moms to squeeze in that exercise that is so necessary for a fit pregnancy. And, guess what, you're probably doing these things already! Now, some of these may sound easy, but remember -- you are pregnant. You need to take things slowly and to keep it to low impact activities. Don't worry, though: each of these activities will make any pregnant woman's heart pound and gasp for breath.

Tie your shoes.
Apply lipstick.
Walk up and down the aisles at Wal-Mart.
Walk up the stairs in your own house.
Stir a pot of soup on the stove.
Bend down to pick up anything.
Get in the car and buckle your seat belt.
Get up to answer the phone.
Get up to do anything.
Open the back door to let the dog out.
Sweep the floor. Or, (for more a more advanced workout) vacuum.
Make your bed.

And, for the most well-trained, experienced athletes only:

*******Change the sheets on the upper bunk of a set of bunk beds.*********

I myself have performed all of the above activities and can therefore attest that they will get a pregnant woman sweating and her heart pumping! And, if they technically don't "burn calories" or "increase stamina" or any of those other supposed "benefits" of exercise, they sure wipe me out!

Did I leave any out?

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-06-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

"Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing. I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching."

~ Fran Lebowitz

You're Killing Me, Braxton Hicks!

2010-06-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

I'm in my last month, and those contractions are coming. You know what I mean. The slightly painful but always annoying tightening of the abdomen that sometimes makes it hard to breathe. They are irregular and infrequent, and just plain irritating. What's frustrating about these guys is that these aren't the good, productive kind of contractions. These are the Heidi Montag of contractions: totally fake.

As you may know, these are called Braxton Hicks contractions. It does not mean labor is coming soon. On the contrary, it's just an "aid" to prepare my uterus for birth. I keep telling my uterus that I don't need help in that area. Instead, could my uterus help me pick out a name for the baby, or perhaps pay for a new stroller? That would be much more helpful to prepare me for birth. Needless to say, my uterus has a mind of its own, and the contractions continue.

My sister teases me and says, "Are you having the Toni Braxton contractions?" Ha ha ha. But it got me wondering: why are they called "Braxton Hicks" contractions? As it turns out, they are named after a guy. John Braxton Hicks was the English doctor who first described them as he investigated the later stages of pregnancy in the 1800's.

Grrrrrrr.... Does that sound fair to you? Some guy that's never felt a contraction in his life gets these guys named after him? Kind of annoying, isn't it? Although, an irritating annoyance is probably better named after a man than a woman, right?

So, without a role model or historical figure to sympathize with, I endure these symptoms, reassuring myself that these small irritations are just a sign that my little guy is coming soon.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-06-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

"I'm not interested in being Wonder Woman in the delivery room. Give me drugs."
~ Madonna

Why Gisele Bundchen Is So Annoying

2010-05-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

I appreciate a beautiful, strong woman. But when they say stupid things that insult us plain Janes, I get annoyed. Really annoyed. Here is a collection of quotes from one of the most stuck-up moms in Hollywood, Gisele Bundchen.

On education:

"I think it's better when you're natural, when you just do whatever you want, instead of doing classes where I see all these other people holding back because they've been trained with certain skills or techniques. I'm like, whatever."

'Atta girl. Let's celebrate the education of women and a great work ethic, and congratulate the hard work of your fellow females as they work to better themselves.

On her own body during pregnancy:

"I want to have lots of children... It doesn't matter if my body changes. It is the most marvelous thing. For example, they sometimes say that your breasts begin to sag, but I couldn't care less."

Not to toot her own horn, but her pregnant body is the "most marvelous thing." Never mind us pregnant mortals who have the the swollen ankles, backaches, sudden acne, and muscle strain. Gisele's body is mah-velous... simply mah-velous.

On gaining weight during pregnancy:

"I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals. I was mindful about what I ate, and I gained only 30 pounds."

She has been quoted several times as bragging about her weight gain (or lack thereof) during her pregnancy. Every magazine I read has a quote of her touting how easy it is to stay so thin while you are pregnant. As a fellow pregnant garbage disposal, I take offense at this. It must be so easy to stay skinny... when you have a personal trainer and a nutritionist.

About giving birth:

"I gave birth in the bathtub," she claimed, referring to the Boston penthouse she shares with husband Tom Brady. Although, initial reports had suggested that her son's December 2009 birth took place at a Boston-area hospital. But, wait, it gets better...

"I wanted to be conscious and present for what was happening... I didn't want to be anesthetized. I wanted to feel."

Huh. I didn't know they gave out a Mother of the Year Award for "Able to Endure Excruciating Pain Unnecessarily." I wonder if she'd like to "feel" my labor, because I sure as Hell don't.

Again, about giving birth (and probably my favorite quote from Gisele):

"It wasn't painful, not even a little bit."

Forget Mother of the Year. Call the Pope! This one's going for sainthood!

And just in case we forgot, she has been quoted several times as saying:

"I didn't gain a lot of wait in my pregnancy."

Yeah, because we didn't hear you the first eighteen times.

And lastly, to brag even more about the glorious, pain-free, exhilarating feeling of labor:

"The next day, I was walking, I was washing dishes, I was making pancakes in the kitchen."

I hope her baby has three heads and colic.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-05-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

"It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money."

~ Elinor Goulding Smith

Let Me Check My Calendar...

2010-05-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

Why do people think that, just because I am a full-time mom, my schedule is irrelevant? I'll admit there are days when I am simply doing housework or running errands that can be rescheduled (or put off all together), but I do have a busy, strict list of things that must get done at a certain time.

Besides getting to school every day at a certain time, Volcano also has T-Ball practice two evenings a week, plus piano lessons after school on Wednesdays. Monkey has preschool three times a week, as well as swimming on two mornings and a dance class once a week. These items are inflexible: I have paid for them, and the kids have committed to going to them. Plus, I make my own commitments for myself: helping out at the kids' schools, getting together with friends, doctors' appointments, etc.

So why do people think they can simply switch things around on me? Suddenly, it's like schedules and plans have no meaning. Volcano's T-Ball games are scattered sporadically throughout the month, like consistency doesn't even matter in my schedule. Like we have nothing better to do than drop everything and go to a T-Ball game.

I had a doctor who was constantly postponing appointments on me, changing his schedule (or vacation time, most likely) at the last minute, and expected me to blindly and obediently shift my whole life around his whims. Needless to say, I got a new doctor.

Monkey's preschool teacher tends to schedule field trips and other activities (that require a parent present for each student) at the last minute. She'll send home a note two days before some form is due or money needs to be donated for a project. We were once told one day in advance to bring a white t-shirt to school for a tie-dye project -- I had to find time to run out to Wal-Mart and buy one. And field trips are often scheduled only a week in advance, so I have to scramble to rearrange my schedule to that I can accompany them.

And then Monkey's teacher just dropped another bomb on me. Monkey has preschool on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings, with her last day of school coming up at the end of May. The teacher had originally planned to have a fun day at the park on the last day of school -- a Friday. However, Volcano also had a field trip with his class that day, already causing a conflict, because I had volunteered to chaperone. So, Hubby said he would take the day off that day, and I would go to Monkey's preschool park day while Hubby went on Volcano's field trip. (You with me so far?) Then, just a three days before, Monkey's teacher decides to change her park day and the last day of school to Thursday. What?! Monkey has swimming on Thursday, and Volcano has a first-grade choir concert that day. Plus, Hubby had already taken Friday off so Monkey and I could go on her park trip. Why does she think she can do this to me at the last minute, without consulting the parents or considering our conflicting schedules? We signed up for preschool on MWF so that we could plan other things on Tuesdays and Thursdays! I mean, already we were shifting things around on that Friday, and then she does this? I am so annoyed!

Oh, yeah, and also... I'm 8 and a half months pregnant over here! I'm kind of busy creating a person, by the way! I might go into labor at any minute... and you want me to work around your schedule? The baby's on his own schedule, and he'll come whether we're ready or not!

It's like the cable guy, saying he'll be at my house between 8 and 2... like I have nothing better to do than wait around for him. I mean, when are we going to be more considerate of other people's schedules? Just because I'm a "stay at home" mom doesn't mean I have time to stay at home all day and accompany you!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-05-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

"Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door."
~ Marcelene Cox

My Love / Hate Relationship with Maternity Clothes

2010-05-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

I can't stand those elastic pants when you're pregnant -- but what else am I going to do? I have no waist anymore. All that is there is a big, round ball of skin, waiting to pop.

And maternity clothes, although relatively comfortable, are a joke. I spend hundreds of dollars on clothes I'll only wear about 6 or 7 months. And most of the time, the pickin's are slim. Why does everything inexpensive look like doctor's scrubs? Or the dreaded mumu? Ick. I don't want to look like the Duggar mom. I want to dress like myself, only pregnant. All I need is some jeans and t-shirts and sweatshirts. I mean, I don't need the fancy work clothes, and it's not like I'm going to some hip dinner or a Hollywood awards show.

Plenty of websites are preach the "recycled" maternity wardrobe. "Borrow from your friends!" they say, making it sound so easy. Well, all my friends are so far from done being pregnant, there are no more hand-me-downs. "Borrow Hubby's clothes!" they advise, in a squeaky too-cheerful voice (okay, I am just imagining that in my head). What -- do they want me to look like I'm wearing a circus tent? Puleeze... "Go on eBay or Craig's List!" Okay, I'll admit, you can get a couple things there, but you're a slave to a stranger's taste in clothes, and it's really all about dumb luck. For the life of me, I still can't find a white zip-up hooded sweatshirt in my size -- and I've been looking for MONTHS!

So, at 5 months pregnant, I walked into a Motherhood store, knowing I would have to fork out at least $200 for a couple of shirts and some pairs of pants, but out of options. I had Monkey with me, and I was just starting to show. A salesgirl approached us, in a too-polite voice, "Hi! Can I help you?"

"Just browsing," I said, starting to look at some clothes in my size.

She watched me for a second, and then asked, still smiling fakely, "Did you need help with sizing?"

"No," I told her, trying to stay polite. "This is my third child, so I remember how it works."

She stayed with us still, and continued to watch us. "So, you know that you're supposed to look for clothes in your pre-pregnancy size?"

"Yes," I said, starting to get annoyed. "It's been 5 years, but not much has changed."

"Well," she informed me, full of authority. "Styles have changed. You probably want to update your style. We have some things in your size over here..."

"I'm just interested in the basics," I told her, really annoyed now. "And this is my size." I was beginning to feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Didn't she want me to spend money in her store? We finally walked out, not spending a dime.

I realized I was better off online. I ended up going to Old Navy, Ross, and Kohl's. No salespeople, and decent prices. Sheesh... like shopping for maternity clothes is already soooooo easy, let's throw in a snobby salesgirl (who's probably never been pregnant) to aggravate the situation.

And guess what? I was right about my size!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-05-14T07:42:00.000-07:00

"Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife."
~ Queen Victoria

Shop 'Til I Drop

2010-05-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

After reading this post from the blog "She Just Had to Say It", I had to reflect on my own shopping habits. Unlike Soliloquoy, I love to shop. Grocery shopping, gift shopping, clothing shopping... you name it. If I have to buy it, I love shopping for it.

However, times have changed, and so has my shopping. First of all, I used to go shopping with my mom and my sisters every Saturday. We'd go to our favorite mall, linger in and out of stores, and chit-chatted while we browsed the racks. We would spend hours trying on clothes, make-up, shoes, and accessories. Often we'd throw in a mani-pedi into the day, and we'd always go out to lunch in the process.

Since then, I've moved out of state from my mom and my sisters. And I rarely go shopping for myself. Who has the time or money? Now I have to buy kids' clothes, school supplies, and groceries. Add in the upcoming birth of the baby, and you add in diapers, formula, burp cloths, and baby supplies.

And gone are the days of the mani-pedi. Instead, I have Play-Doh in my fingernails and my toes are hidden in sneakers.

If on the rare occasion I have the opportunity to shop for myself (due to the occasional much-appreciated gift card for my birthday), I have to sneak it in between school drop-off and pick-up times. With travel time and parking, that gives me maybe an hour of free time all to myself to grab as much as I can and frantically search for things that I like. Or, the alternative (which is a lot more frightening), is that I have to take one (or both -- SHUDDER) of the kids with me.

So forget about trying things on. Whether the kids are with me or not, I don't have time to use the dressing room. If the kids are with me, the boredom hits, and the whining and complaining starts. If I'm not shopping for them, they soon lose interest, and I'm a dead woman. But even if I'm by myself, I don't have the time or energy to try on clothes. So, either way, what I end up doing is grabbing as much as I can, buying it, and taking it home to try on. Then I can return anything that doesn't fit me or that I don't like.

This creates a ... let's say... "interesting" or "lively" discussion with Hubby. He grabs the receipt, shouts out the total dollar amount in disbelief, and then asks, "Do you really need four black sweaters?!" To which I have to (again) explain my shopping strategy, as well as my possible need for four black sweaters (one heavy one for Winter, one light one for Spring, one button down, one pullover...) To which Hubby reminds me that he is not made of money and that I have plenty of clothes to wear. And didn't I just go shopping within the last decade?

In the end, about 95% of the things I buy are taken back to the store, with a polite, embarrassed smile from me and a wincing sneer from the cashier, as she credits back my debit card with almost the full amount.

Unless they tell me I can only get store credit. In that case, I start looking around the store again...

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-05-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."
~ Author Unknown

Walking Around in My Swollen Shoes

2010-05-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, not to advertise for State Farm or anything, but I just love this new dad-to-be. So in honor of Mother's Day this Sunday, I thought I'd post this.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-04-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

"Having children is the hardest thing I've ever done. No one could have prepared me for how awesome it is, and how hard."
~ Gwen Stefani

You Have No Idea

2010-04-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

"So... how are you feeling?"

This is one of the polite and acceptable questions to ask a pregnant woman. It shows concern for her well-being, as well as an understanding that pregnancy is not an easy task. No mention of weight, baby names, or child-care issues, it is probably the nicest (and safest) question to ask me at this time.

So when a male friend (actually, the same guy that made that comment about my weight a while back) asked me, as we're picking up our boys from school, "So, how are you feeling?" I was actually impressed.

"Tired," I laughed, trying to play it off as funny. I try not to complain too much, even though I'm not 100%. My back is killing me, my side aches, I'm on a nonfat diet, and I can't have caffeine. Of course I don't feel 100%!

So I just replied, "You know... exhausted. But otherwise, I'm feeling good."

"Huh," he laughed. "Yeah, I remember."

I looked at him. "You don't remember," I corrected him. "Your wife remembers. You have no idea how I'm feeling."

Was that rude? But why do some guys act like they understand how it feels to be pregnant? When you're SO tired, you can barely keep your eyes open, after all you've done is sort the laundry. Or when walking up the stairs makes you short of breath. Or when your new bedtime is now 9 o'clock. It is a whole new exhaustion -- one that I had never known until I was pregnant.

Since then I've had two other men say the same thing to me, too. And I always correct them: they really have NO IDEA.

Hubby will come home sometimes, tired from a hard day at work, and sigh heavily, "Man, I'm tired." Then he catches my dark look from across the room. "Well, probably not as tired as you." Exactly.

I am used to being a very active person. I am usually constantly moving, running around with two kids, getting housework done, running errands, taking care of my family or four (plus a dog and a cat). I walk the three blocks to and from my son's school (uphill) every day, as well as go to the gym at least three times a week. At least, I used to. Now I get tired after trying to open a jar of peanut butter. This feeling of exhaustion is not only new, it's hella annoying. It's cramping my style.

And, yes, I know all the research as to why I'm so tired. As as normal pregnant woman in her last trimester, I'm carrying around some extra weight, and I'm not sleeping very well. Plus, I have other kids to take care of, so my time to rest is limited. I get the reasons why... but I don't have to like it. It's still annoying.

So when some guy says, with mock sympathy, that he knows how I feel, I can't help but get defensive. Plus, it's that lack of caffeine talking.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-04-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

"Life is tough enough without having someone kicking you from the inside."
~ Rita Rudner

Houston, We Have a Belly

2010-04-19T07:01:00.000-07:00

It amazes me how fascinated people are with my expanding belly. And these are the people the already knew I was pregnant. Didn't they know that a pregnant woman is supposed to grow bigger in the midsection? Yet some people still act surprised, even when they know I'm 7 months pregnant, to see that my belly has gotten a little bigger.

I don't get it. We've all heard about the birds and the bees. We were all pulled out of our fifth grade classes to watch the films and discuss the "changing woman." We all took Biology in high school, right? I mean, seriously. Why are they amazed that a pregnant woman has extended her waistline a bit?

I go to my local Starbucks regularly, and I guess the barista finally realized I was telling the truth: I am pregnant. "Are we expecting something?" she asked wickedly. Well, yeah... I was expecting a grande nonfat mocha, but I guess that's too much to ask at this point.

When taking Monkey to swim practice, one of the teachers said, "Ah! You're getting bigger!" Hey, thank you for pointing that out! That explains the pants with the elastic waist I've been wearing for 4 months.

As I was picking up Volcano from school, a mother on the playground exclaimed, "Whoa, belly!" Yes, ladies and gentlemen... babies grow, so pregnant women do as well. What's the big f%&$ing deal?!

I love being pregnant. It is an exciting time, feeling my baby grow, anticipating this new life that will soon join me, and already loving the being inside that I have yet to meet. And I love how gaining weight is actually a good thing, for once in a woman's life. It means my baby is growing healthy and strong and will be coming out to greet the world soon. If I wasn't gaining weight, that would be a sign that there is something wrong with my baby, right?

Why can't these idiots understand that?

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-04-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

"If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters."

~ Nora Ephron

Forget Locking Up Your Daughters...

2010-04-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

I don't find it cute. This is not something I am happy about. This is something I am concerned about. Something that is just wrong.

My first grade son Volcano came home the first few weeks of school constantly talking about Emily: Emily this and Emily that. I thought it was an innocent little crush, much like Volcano has on Princess Leia or Gabriella from High School Musical.

But then things got weird. Volcano would often say that Emily is talking to him about marriage and asking him when he can start dating. What? Excuse me?! RED FLAG!

Then Volcano said Emily keeps asking for his phone number. Now, why does a 7-year-old girl need my son's phone number? And when I volunteered in Volcano's class, Emily told me, "I think your son's in LOVE with me! He said he's going to MARRY me!"

"Really?" I said, annoyed. "Because my son isn't allowed to think about marriage until he graduates college. So... you could be waiting a looooooong time."

A few weeks later, Volcano brought home a note from Emily. (Thank God he tells me everything and shows me anything he gets from school.) In it was a crayon drawing of a boy and a girl kissing, with the labels showing that they were indeed Volcano and Emily. Hearts surrounded the couple. Written, in pencil, the note said, "I love you and I will never stop loving you and when I'm a grown up I will love you forever." Just this past weekend at a recent birthday party, this same girl was tackling the boys and chasing after them, telling them to give her a kiss. She even tried to start a rumor that day that Volcano was in love with the guest of honor.

Two words: SIGH and KO. I am officially creeped out by a 7-year-old girl.

Apparently I am not the only one that has had this experience. Some of my other friends who have first grade sons have had similar stories, with girls buying their sons gifts, writing inappropriate love notes, or asking for phone numbers. I even saw a girl slip my friends' son a piece of paper with her phone number on it and coo, "Call me." These girls are acting like they're some 22-year-old on The Bachelor, not a 7-year-old in a first grade classroom. What is it with the girls of today? Why are they pushing relationships and professing crushes at the tender age of 7?

I have a feeling it has to do with a lot of the media out there. Shows like Hannah Montana and Suite Life of Zach and Cody portray pre-teens and teens chasing the opposite sex as the major plot of the show. "Trying to get the guy" seems to be the motive of almost all of the female characters on Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel. That is what these young girls are watching, so that is what they think they should be doing.

Now, I'll admit, I've never watched any of these shows (I can't bear to sit through any of them) and I certainly don't let my kids watch them. But I see the backpacks and the Halloween costumes these young girls are wearing that try to emulate them. I find it more than coincidental that the girls wearing these clothes and giving out the Hannah Montana valentines are the same ones chasing after the boys. These shows are targeted for the younger, female set -- no way would a teenage boy be interested in that junk. Believe me, I have a 15-year-old nephew, and he is constantly making fun of all of it. And the sad thing is, I know it's just going to get worse as the kids get older.

It doesn't help that Miley Cyrus and her cronies have had their own scandals, including their own racy photos. When searching images, it was hard not to avoid any of these girls exposing themselves for the camera.

The whole Emily experience has been a good lesson for both of my kids. For my son, we are continuously discussing how to handle a girl like this. For my daughter, we are discussing the difference between inappropriate and appropriate behavior between the sexes.

Apparently, it's never too early to start.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-04-09T08:08:00.000-07:00

"Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes."
~ Joyce Armor

The Downfall of the Librarian

2010-04-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

After reading this article on Parent Dish, it reminded me of one of the first posts I wrote for this blog a few years back, about a snooty librarian who seemed to be more rude than helpful.

When did librarians get so standoffish? I remember when I was younger, going to the library, and those librarians were the sweetest ladies in the world. They used to interact with us, helping us find interesting and fun books to read, walking around the library looking for someone that needed assistance, or just a smile. What happened to those days?

I think the mom in this article is completely justified in going upstairs to find her own book, while her 5-year-old daughter sits with a book in the children's area. Libraries are divided into sections, right? So, are we really expecting children to patiently stand in the adult section while we moms contemplate reading selections and browse shelves? That's why I thought they had the kids' section, filled with stuffed animals, puzzles, colorful chairs and plush pillows, scores of teen idol posters garnishing the walls so we can show our kids "See, Zac Ephron reads books, too!" It's supposed to attract the kids to linger there on there own, or so I thought.

It doesn't take that long for an adult to find a book, especially without her kids in tow. Kids over age 4 should be allowed to sit with a book or other library activity with the supervision of the librarian. It used to be a librarian's job to watch over the children, assist them in finding books, and basically manage the area. But today, they are rarely seen out behind their large desks, instead giving disapproving looks or the occasional "Shh!" I know they have their weekly story time, a scheduled sit-down where they read to toddlers and sing songs for groups. But after that, they are back behind their desks. Where is the interaction?

The mom in this article told the librarian where she was going and that she would be back soon. Her daughter was occupied with her own book and was sitting quietly. So what is the problem? I'm not saying that librarians should be babysitters, watching over children while their parents leave the building of are away for hours at a time. But I see no reason why they shouldn't be capable of keeping an eye on a child (who, according to the mom, was the only child there) for a second while the mom heads upstairs.

What happened to the friendly, kindly librarian? She used to embody a sense of community, one of those helpers who we could count on to assist our children and insure their safety. Now it seems like we parents are just in for scoldings or parental warnings. Ladies, get someone else to shelve books and hand out a smile instead.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-04-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

"There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can't get it."

~ Irena Chalmers

You Mean... One's Not Enough?!

2010-03-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

Why do people keep asking me if I'm having twins?

I am 27 weeks pregnant, and this question actually seems to be the most annoying (although, there are some great contenders for the title). It's almost like all of this... the morning sickness, the swollen belly, the achy back, the sleepless nights, the forsaking of alcohol and caffeine and sushi... is all for naught. It's just not as exciting if I'm not doing it for twins. I'm supposedly not working as hard or for something as precious as two babies. What? You only have one? Because Angelina and Rebecca and Marcia and every other female celebrity over 35 has had twins. So... why aren't you?

Also, are they implying that I'm big enough to be carrying twins? That makes the question even ruder. Again, do not mention weight when talking to a pregnant woman. Them's fightin' words.

It's not that I wouldn't want to have twins. You see, I am a twin. I have a twin sister. And, apparently, it is genetically probable that I would have twins of my own (one OB/GYN told me I would have a 1 in 5 chance of giving birth to twins myself). So, very often, relatives and close friends who know that I am a twin, keep bugging me, over and over, "Are you sure it's not twins?"

My own admission to being a twin leads to its own set of annoying questions that I have had to endure my entire life. Actually, my mom swears that she got the annoying questions first, when she was pregnant with us. Comments like "Double Trouble" and "Better you than me" when someone would see her out with us at a supermarket or a local park. You know, really stupid, insensitive things like that. But here is just a small sample of the dumb questions my sister and I got growing up:

Are you identical or fraternal? We are fraternal. And yes, I have proof. We participated in a twin study at USC, and they confirmed it. We are, indeed, fraternal.

Do you look alike? We look like sisters, but (as I said), we are not identical. Those who can't tell us apart are jsut not paying attention.

Did you switch classes to trick your teachers growing up? No. What a dumb idea.

Did you fight over boys growing up? No. What an even dumber idea. We had different tastes in guys -- as you would know if you met our husbands.

If I hit you, will your twin feel it? No. But if I hit you, I'd feel a lot better.

Do you and your sister have ESP? No. We're not space aliens. We just shared a womb.

See what I mean?

I would love to have twins. My sister and I had a blast growing up: I had a built-in best friend. We always had each others' back through every year in school, even through college. We were classmates, roommates, sorority sisters, and maids of honor at each others' weddings. (As my Dad liked to say, we began as "wombmates.") So, yeah, I would love that kind of relationship for my future son. And I think if any mom could handle the stupid questions, I could.

But, alas. I have only one. So why do people enjoy making me feel inadequate for that? Making a baby is hard work! And if you don't know what I mean, then shut up -- you've obviously never been through it, so you wouldn't understand.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-03-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

"Really, I just give her everything she asks for. Whatever she asks she gets, and I'm OK."

~ Robin Thicke, on doting on his seven-months-pregnant wife Paula Patton.

Pickles and Ice Cream

2010-03-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm now 26 weeks pregnant, and the food cravings have subsided. I was craving Kool-Aid and Mexican food for the longest time (sounds so ghetto, doesn't it?), but those days are long gone.

Seems like I should tell Hubby the good news.

He went grocery shopping the other day, so I made a list for him. We were going to make turkey burgers, so I added pickles to the list. The kids love pickles, and I wanted the burgers to taste more like junk food then they really were.

Hubby returns and lovingly presents me with the largest jar of whole pickles I had ever seen.

"What is this?" I asked. "We don't need this many pickles!"

"Oh," Hubby said, looking at me, confused. "I thought it was some sort of craving you were having."

The ol' pickles and ice cream craving, right? Which I had never had in any of my pregnancies. Wasn't this an I Love Lucy episode, where Lucy sent Ricky out in the middle of the night for some pickles and ice cream? (Actually, I think it was ice cream and sardines. Blech.)

Looks like Hubby isn't the only one who believes this stereotype. You search "pickles and ice cream" on bing and it's all about maternity and pregnancy. In truth, cravings just tell a woman what her body needs. Women who crave pickles are really craving salt, and they may be mineral deficient, specifically sodium. And ice cream is just a sweet treat associated with comfort.

Which might explain why I was craving Mexican food. It reminds me of my mom's home cooking, my grandma's house, and feeling warm and well-fed.

Now, what pregnant woman doesn't want that feeling?

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-03-19T08:28:00.000-07:00

"Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be."

~ Carrie Fisher

Touch My Belly, Lose a Hand

2010-03-15T07:30:00.000-07:00

Being pregnant for the third time has made me ready for the idiots. You know who I mean. The rude, insensitive, stupid people who ask the dumb questions or say the most idiotic things. And then they try to touch me. Since when did this belly become public property?! Would it be acceptable for me to ask about your day while I grabbed your boob? (And if it is, please stay far away from me in the future.) (Perv.)

The most common questions and comments I'm getting are about the shock most people have of me having a third child. It's like it's the most ridiculous idea anyone has ever heard of. I have a boy and a girl already -- why on earth would I want to destroy the cosmic symmetry of the perfect family?! I am insane, right? Who in their right mind would have more than two children to create the nuclear family? (Freak.)

Well, there's also the distance in the kids' ages, so the obvious question I'm getting is "Was it planned?" Volcano will be 7 1/2 when the baby's born and Monkey will be 5 1/2, so everyone is assuming this baby is a "mistake" or a "surprise." Or, the ever-so-cutsie "Oops Baby." Ha ha. When asked, "Was it planned?" I can't help but wonder what kind of pervert wants to imagine the process my husband and I might have gone through to make a baby. C'mon, folks. You know how it works. The birds and the bees and all that. Do you really want to imagine what Hubby and I did to conceive? Or the kind of birth control I used (or in this case, did not use)? Do you really want to know if we sat down and talked about it or if we were caught up in the moment? And who cares if it was planned or not? I'm happy, Hubby's happy, and we are two married adults who are financially and emotionally ready to take on a third child. So what do you care? (Sicko.)

But I have also gotten some really strange questions, which aren't just rude but almost bizarre:

Are you going to nurse, or bottle-feed? Why do you care? You're not eating it.

Are you going to have a vaginal birth or a cesarean? There's just something wrong with using the word "vaginal" in casual conversation on an elementary school playground. Again, what pervert wants this mental picture?

Are you sure you can handle a third? (Or similar comments, like: Now you'll be outnumbered! etc.) Usually this comes from someone who cannot handle their own children. And -- guess what? Whenever Hubby's at work, I'm already outnumbered.

Then come the questions and comments about my weight gain. Since when is this appropriate conversation? I say, if you can talk about my expanding belly, I can talk about yours. If we're talking about our weight, than anything goes -- including me telling you how fat your a$$ looks in those jeans. I was patted on the belly (DON'T TOUCH!!!) by Monkey's preschool teacher at 3 months and told, "Ooh, you're starting to show!" I was told at church by some random lady that it "Looks like your expecting something." A mom at Volcano's school told me, "Wow! I just noticed how much you're growing." And one mother was so please to announce that I had brought my "pooch" with me that day. What exactly is the purpose of these comments? Surely not to make me feel good. (Weirdo.)

Here is the doozy. A friend of mine had just lost about 40 pounds, and I was telling him how great he looked. "Yeah," he said. "I've been running 3 miles a day and watching what I eat." As I had just finished congratulating him on his hard work, he said, "So... I've been getting skinny, but it looks like you've put on some weight."

"Yeah, uh... That's what happens when women get pregnant," I sneered sarcastically.

"Oh," he laughed. "I didn't even know you were pregnant!"

(Degenerate Jacka$$.)

No wonder pregnant women are notoriously grumpy.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-03-12T09:13:00.000-08:00

"You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment."

~ Dave Barry

No, I Did Not Fall Off the Face of the Earth

2010-03-08T10:43:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a long time since I have updated this blog. I have a really good excuse, too. Although I doubt you'll believe it. Especially since I've probably lost all of my readers out there (the few of you that were there in the first place).

*tapping on microphone, only to hear a screech of feedback*

Is anyone still out there?

Well, the truth is, I've been busy. You parents know how it is. Between driving the kids to school, swimming lessons, soccer practices, dance classes, and piano lessons, I am the designated chauffeur. Plus, I had the brilliant idea to coach Volcano's basketball team this season (which turned into two seasons), so that took up some time. As well as being Volcano's room mom and Monkey's preschool parent representative. (What was I thinking?)

We're also getting used to homework time -- yes, HOMEWORK TIME. For a first grader, Volcano seems to get a lot of homework! Not that it's difficult stuff, just that it is time-consuming. Add that to his regular chores and his need to play Legos or video games, I never get to spend time with him. So I make time -- listening to him describe the saga of his latest Star Wars Legos, play a little Mario Kart, or a board game.

All too soon, it's time to start dinner, and I'm up again. This is when Hubby comes home, and usually offers to help with the kids or dinner or other housekeeping duties I've seemed to have neglected. Then it's more family time, catching up on each other's day, and trying to relax while spending time with each other (a momentous feat when it can be accomplished).

By the time the kids are in bed, it's time to relax and catch up on my TV shows. I'll admit it: come 7:30, 8:00... I become a couch potato. I'm in sweats or pajama pants with a bottle of water and a little snack. Don't move me until the DVR has been emptied.

So, like I'm sure all you parents can understand, I had let the blog slide. Then, about 5 months ago, another wrench was thrown into the gears of my life, just to make things a little more interesting.

I got pregnant.

Yep, you heard me. I'm pregnant. Baby number three is on its way, 24 weeks now and counting. So, as if I wasn't busy enough, I am now exhausted and nauseous and fat and... did I mention exhausted? But I have to tell you (and this is quite important): we are SO happy. I am really looking forward to this baby, and I can't wait for the adventures that lie ahead.

And I'm sure there will be many more adventures. So... stay tuned.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2010-03-05T08:54:00.000-08:00

“Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.”

~Erma Bombeck

The Soccer Squabble That Snowballed

2009-10-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

We parents were all watching our boys at a normal evening practice, working diligently with their coach, whom we all respect very much. Not only is he wise in the ways of soccer, but he is a gentle soul, always understanding to the whims of 6-year-old boys and very patient to the needs of these tender lads.

Coach’s pleasant demeanor and no-nonsense attitude may explain why, when a little boy (not from the team) asked them if he could join their practice, he said “No problem!” We were, after all, at a public park, and the little boy probably found it hard to resist the fun these boys were having. I don’t blame the boy for asking – I blame his dad. A burly, intimidating man, standing at about six-feet, 5 inches tall stood nearby and cheered on the new addition to our team with gusto. He must have encouraged the boy to ask to participate, because he reveled in watching his son play with our team.

This did not sit well with me. I am all for inclusion, and for equal participation. But Hubby and I were paying for this soccer team, signing Volcano up early to make sure he got on the same team as last year, with this very gifted coach, on a team with all his friends. We paid for the jersey he was wearing, and we were paying for this coach’s time. Plus, as team mom, I organized the parents in bringing snacks every week and donating to the coach’s gift. Where was this guy’s money? Was he going to bring Gatorade for the whole team, like every parent signed up to do, week after week?

Plus, Monkey and some of the other sisters of the players had gathered nearby, and they were playing near this strange man. It gave me the creeps. Not to be paranoid, but this older guy hanging around my daughter made me think of “stranger danger” and pedophiles. It just wasn’t right, letting this strange guy lurk around our children.

I muttered to Carla, the mom next to me, “Who is this guy?”

“I don’t know,” she said, with the same concern. Not only was her son on the team with Volcano, but she also had a daughter playing with Monkey and the other girls. “Why is his kid in our practice?”

“He just kind of showed up,” a nearby dad, mused, obviously as annoyed as we were. Kevin is tall and thin, and very soft-spoken. “Coach said he could join our group, but I don’t think it’s right. We’re paying for this team, he’s not. He can’t just show up and play with our kids.”

As I nodded, Kevin’s wife Laura shook her head and rolled her eyes. “I know him, he’s fine,” she reported, with an annoyed face, like we were making a big deal out of nothing. “I teach his daughter.” Laura was a kindergarten teacher at the nearby elementary school.

“If you say so, Laura…” I began, but I was still not sure. I didn’t know Laura that well. And how much did she know about this guy, even if she did teach his kid?

Soon after, the burly stranger called to his son. Suddenly, Kevin stood up and started walking over to the man. “Where is he going?” I asked Laura, intrigued. She didn’t answer me, not even turning her head.

As we all watched from a distance, I asked again, “What’s he saying?” You could tell Kevin was talking to the stranger, gesturing with his hands, shaking his head, but always with a polite smile on his face. He spoke so softly, that we could barely hear his words. I did hear him say, “It’s making some of the parents uncomfortable.”

The stranger looked furious. He spoke loudly, gesturing to Coach, “Well, he said it was okay, so I didn’t think it was a big deal!” When Kevin spoke a little more, you could hear the stranger shout, “Gimme a break!” as he shook his head in disgust.

“What’s he saying?” I asked again in awe, but everyone was quiet, in awe, desperate to hear what Kevin was telling this man twice his size. Although the two men stood at the same height, the stranger stood at about 250 pounds to Kevin’s 180.

The large man soon stomped away furiously, shouting, “Whatever, man! Whatever!” He even made a point to give one last dirty look as he stormed off. Kevin strolled back over to us casually, his hands in his pockets, and sat back down next to Laura.

“Thank you so much,” I told Kevin appreciatively. “We all felt uneasy about that guy lurking around here.”

Carla nodded. “That was awesome! Thank you!”

Laura whipped her head around. “Now I have to see the guy at school tomorrow!” she spat furiously. “That was totally unnecessary!”

I was stunned, and I saw a look of surprise on Carla’s face. It surprised me that Laura would berate her husband in front of all of us. Why was she upset that Kevin had helped all of us parents with our children’s safety?

“I told him politely,” Kevin assured her, in his gentle voice.

“I don’t care!” Laura whispered harshly, loud enough for all of us still to hear. “I have to work with the guy, not you!”

Awkward! I didn’t mean to start a family feud, but I was truly grateful to Kevin for standing up to this guy. But now I felt that, if I had thanked him further, I would’ve been taking sides in a marriage squabble. The couple continued to quarrel for a few more minutes, and then they sat in seething silence. Wow. I was still amazed at what had transpired. Turning to Carla, away from the scene, I muttered, “Well, I appreciated it, nonetheless.” She just shrugged in agreement, with her eyes still wide in surprise.

I just think that Laura should’ve talked about it later with Kevin, away from all of us. And I certainly don’t think she should’ve scolded Carla and me for showing our appreciation.

And there shouldn’t be so much drama at a soccer practice, should there?

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-10-02T08:49:00.000-07:00

"Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition: the clean becomes soiled, the soiled is made clean, over and over, day after day”
-- Simone de Beauvoir

Day in the Life of a Suburban Housewife

2009-09-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

There is explicit language in this, but it's so worth it if you can get the kids out of the room for a few minutes...

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-09-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

"When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why."
-- Katharine Whitehorn

I Love the Smell of Soccer in the Morning

2009-09-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've written about the trials and tribulations of being a soccer mom. There's something quite unique about being a parent of a child that is participating on a sports team. Moms and dads who have not yet experienced the stresses of yanking on shin guards, yelling at your kids to hurry up, all while holding your coffee mug so you don't spill a drop have no idea about the exhilaration of getting to the game on time, smelling the grass, and hearing the obnoxious cheers of parents as they verbally lead their kids down the field.

I confess, that last one would be me.

I try to keep quiet at games, let the coach do his job, but I get so involved in the game that I can't seem to help myself from screaming when a little black and white checked ball approaches a big, white net. Again, holding tight to my Starbucks cup, I manage to jump up and down, practically shrieking for Volcano to "Kick it kick it kick it KICK IT!!" Even to myself I sound annoying, so imagine how I must sound to the surrounding spectators. Although, I do notice I'm not the only one screaming. Hopefully I blend into the crowd of insane fans on the sidelines.

I have heard some pretty outrageous "cheering" from my standpoint. Volcano's team, wearing green, was barreling down the field. One dad from the opposing team yelled, "Throw an elbow! Steal the ball!" Nice. Great way to teach sportsmanship and fair play.

One mother (again from the opposing side), yelled, "Get him, Connor! GET HIM!" Shouldn't she be yelling at Connor to "Get it"? It meaning the ball? We're here to play soccer, kicking the ball into the net, right? This isn't a personal vendetta against little boys in green jerseys.

When another boy missed a goal, allowing the other team to score, one mom yelled to her son, "You should've gotten that! That was yours!" Wow. Way to make the kid feel better. Did he really need that bit of constructive criticism, right then and there?

Just this past weekend I heard a coach yell, "Shake it off! Toughen up!" to one of his players. The little boy had been accidentally kicked in the groin., and he clutched his family jewels, fighting back tears. And that was the best the coach could do to comfort the 6-year-old? I wondered if I should go over there and kick him in his "soccer balls"; see how he feels? As the tears stream down his face, I would tell him to "Toughen up!" (Don't worry... I didn't.)

I knew my son's coach was the best when Volcano (who I believe I've told you is not the most aggressive, competitive athlete out there) was standing on the sidelines, just watching the game in front of him progress with limited interest and extreme caution. During this certain play, I watched (with much frustration, I will admit) as Volcano bounced around the group, never approaching the ball. "Get in there!" I yelled from the sidelines. "C'mon! Get in there!"

The other team scored, and I sighed in exasperation. Then I heard Volcano's coach cheer him on in a way I should have. "Way to stay open, buddy! Good job!"

Way to stay open. Was that what Volcano was doing? Probably not. But it was a great way for the coach to support his player's decision to observe rather than participate at that moment.

Way to stay open. What great advice. What a great perspective. What a great lesson for me.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-09-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

"Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother."
-- Beverly Jones

Hubby's Parking Lot Provocation

2009-09-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

Hubby and I were in a parking lot of a video rental store when we saw a car pulling out of a parking space. Hubby put on his light signal and waited for the car to exit. Suddenly, as the other car pulled out, a large pickup truck veered into the lot and right into the space we were waiting for.

Hubby was furious. He began honking his horn and yelling at the other guy, “Hey, that was my spot! Didn’t you see my signal?! What’s the matter with you?!”

We soon found another spot and got out of the car, Hubby still shaking his head. As we headed into the video store, we met up with the parking spot thief in the pickup truck.

For once, I was quiet. But Hubby just couldn’t help himself. “Hey, buddy,” he began calmly. “Did you see me waiting for that spot?”

“My parking spot?” the man asked, feigning confusion. He seemed surprised that he was being confronted about a parking spot. Frankly, I was surprised too. Hubby usually watched me confront other people, and here we were with the roles reversed. I had never seen him get so upset, when I was cool as a cucumber.

“Uh, yeah,” Hubby responded sarcastically, gesturing to the man’s truck. “I had my signal on. I know you saw me.”

“Oh, dude,” the man scrambled. “Jeese, sorry, man. You want me to move my truck? I could move it and you could park there.”

This was surprisingly generous. But Hubby was still upset. “Whatever, man. Just… just go get your movie.”

“No, dude, really –“

“Just go get your movie,” Hubby said again, firmer this time, barely looking at the guy. He pulled my arm and we walked swiftly into the video store, leaving the other guy standing there, speechless.

I tried not to laugh, but I found the situation so funny. I had dated a lot of guys in the past (a long, long time ago) that would've been yelling, threatening, or even coming to blows. But that was as heated as Hubby got. He didn’t yell, he didn’t hit someone. He simply shook his head and said, “Just go get your movie.”

And for years to come, even to this day, I tell that story at family gatherings, demonstrating how calm and collected Hubby gets. As opposed to me firing off at the littlest thing.

Now, whenever anyone in our family gets upset, to this day, we say, “Just go get your movie.” And it makes us all laugh.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-09-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

"The best academy....a mother's knee."
-- James Lowell

Random Act of Bad Parenting... from a Stranger

2009-09-07T07:48:00.000-07:00

It seems like I'm not the only poor mother who has to deal with strangers telling me how to be a mom. Although, I have to admit, I don't think any of the stories on my blog can beat this one.

According to recent reports, a little 2-year-old girl and her mother were shopping at a neighborhood Walmart in Georgia when the toddler began crying. That was when 61-year-old Roger Stephens decided to take matters into his own hands. He approached the mother and threatened, "If you don't shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you." He then grabbed the 2-year-old and slapped her four times.

This caused the toddler, her face now red from the force of the beating, to begin screaming as the mother stood in shock. Rogers just said in response, "See, I told you I would shut her up." Police were called, and the man was arrested. He has been charged with felony cruelty. The little girl, however, is fine, resting at home with relatives.

I was shocked and saddened to read this article. I (as you know) have had my share of confrontations involving random people approaching me about disciplining my children. But no one has ever dared laid a hand on them. Maybe my fierce comebacks or annoyed looks scare them off. Who knows? Even I may have stood there in disbelief if this jerk had tried this with me.

I am just thankful my confrontations have never come to this sort of fierce face-off. Otherwise, I would have smacked that man so hard back, I'd be facing criminal charges!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-09-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

"I am not allowed to sing, dance, laugh or wear short skirts. Having a teenage daughter is like living with the Taliban."
-- Kathy Lette

Grass Is Always Greener

2009-08-31T08:45:00.000-07:00

Each home has been reduced to the bare essentials -- to barer essentials than most primitive people would consider possible. Only one woman's hands to feed the baby, answer the telephone, turn off the gas under the pot that is boiling over, soothe the older child who has broken a toy, and open both doors at once. She is a nutritionist, a child psychologist, an engineer, a production manager, an expert buyer, all in one. Her husband sees her as free to plan her own time, and envies her; she sees him as having regular hours and envies him.

~ Margaret Mead

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-08-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

"Lust is the sin that gets me excited. Luckily, because I'm married, I also get really good jewelry out of it."
-- Heather Locklear

The Yellow Curb Saga Continues

2009-08-24T07:28:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this is still going on.

As you may recall, a couple years ago my neighbor Bill painted the curb in front of his house yellow, to create his own no parking zone. He then continued to tell his own guests to park there. However, whenever one of my guests would park there, he would leave rude notes on their cars or yell at them. He even yelled at me over the phone and hung up when I tried to discuss it with him.

Just last weekend, Bill had another party at his house. Hubby heard his daughter was getting married, and they were holding the rehearsal dinner at their house. Sure enough, when the guests arrived, cars were lined up and down the street – including that yellow curb in front of Bill’s house.

“I’m calling the police,” I threatened, reaching for the phone. I was so tired of this double-standard Bill held to his beloved frontside curb. But this time, Hubby seemed to have reached his limit too. He decided to walk over to Bill’s and have a chat with him. I followed him out the front door so I could hear.

Hubby couldn’t find Bill, but he met his daughter instead. “Hey, I’m the neighbor next door. Is there a way someone could move their car? It’s kind of hard for us to get out, and you’re really not supposed to park there.”

“Oh, sorry,” she explained. “We told guests they could park there.”

“You know it’s a yellow zone, right?” Hubby asked.

“I know,” she giggled. Then she added proudly, “My dad painted it.”

“Well,” Hubby began. “It’s been this kind of back-and-forth thing, with the City coming out and everything, and they determined it a no parking zone.”

“Oh,” she said. After a pause, she continued. “Well, let me get my dad, then.”

Soon after, another gentleman stepped out of the house and walked over to the car. It wasn’t Bill, but the car’s owner. We had to assume that Bill had confirmed our request and asked his guest to move his car.

So Bill’s daughter admitted he had painted the curb, and that they still let their guests park there. And now, he knows that we are aware of what he is doing. And that we’re not going to allow it anymore.

It’s amazing that I am trying to teach my children manners and how to be good citizens in society. And, yet, next door is a grown man who is still learning this lesson.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-08-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

"When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I've done my job."
-- Roseanne Barr

No Shirt, No Shoes... No, Seriously!

2009-08-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

While standing in line at our local ice cream parlor, I couldn’t help but gag. In front of me was a father, lovingly holding his two or three-year-old boy on his shoulders. But that wasn’t the gross part. The part I found disgusting was that the little boy had no clothes on. No shirt, no pants, no shoes. Not a stitch of clothing on. All this kid was wearing was a Pull-Up.

Blech.

Now I’ll admit, it was one hundred eight degrees outside that evening. I am not exaggerating. The car’s thermometer read 108. I mean, that is hot anywhere, and we were on the Oregon coast. None of us were used to this heat. And I was sympathetic to the child’s comfort, putting my own kids in tank tops and shorts that evening. I myself never wear tank tops unless I am at the gym, and I was wearing a tank top that day. We had specifically gone to the ice cream shop to cool down in the A/C and to get a cold treat. But the difference was... we were all fully clothed.

Why do people feel that it is acceptable to have their children walk around town half-dressed? Pull-Ups are the same as a diaper or underwear. This is not acceptable attire by itself. It's not like we were at the baby's private home, or at a swimming pool. We were in a public place, a place that serves food. I mean, would it have been okay for the dad to be standing in line for ice cream in just his tidy whities? As far as I’m concerned, it’s the same thing as this little boy sitting here in his Pull-Up all by itself.

Ick.

Most stores have a policy about “No shirt, no shoes, no service.” Why are children the exception? It’s still gross. Even if you’re living on the sun, you still have to wear clothes. It’s a matter of common decency. Especially in a restaurant or grocery store. We’re not at the beach, people.

Another day the family and I went to Subway, and we couldn’t help but be annoyed at this little boy running around without a parent following. The mom was sitting with a friend gossiping, letting the toddler roam around the store. Worse yet, the kid was just wearing a t-shirt and a diaper.

Ew.

It’s just trashy. It’s just gross. It’s just wrong. Letting your kids run around in a restaurant is bad enough, but letting him do it half-dressed should be illegal. It’s very hard to eat when I can see your kid’s diaper running around in front of me. I mean, do you know what kids do in those things? THEY POOP IN THEM! Yes, really! It literally made me lose my appetite.

I understand that kids make a mess, spill food on their clothes, poop in their pants, or throw up on their shirts. These things happen. But a mom or dad’s job requires them to bring a spare set of clothes, either tucked in a diaper bag or folded in their car. If we know these things happen, then we as parents should be prepared. When my kids were younger, they ruined many, many items of clothing. But I always had a spare set in my bag and in the car, just in case. And if you have a newborn baby, the kid should still be in at least a onesie. You pack extra diapers, wet wipes, and all that other stuff for the baby. Make sure you throw in an extra onesie too.

So do us all a favor. Keep your kids dressed. Licking an ice cream cone is just not the same when I’m staring at your kids’ butt in a Pull-Up.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-08-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards."
-- Benjamin Franklin

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again...

2009-08-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

If I had my child to raise over again
I'd build self-esteem first and the house later.
I'd finger paint more and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love.

~ Diane Loomans

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-08-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

"Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee."
-- David Frost

Receiving Gifts, With Strings Attached

2009-08-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

My mother, as was her mother before her, is a very proper lady. We were always taught the strictest of manners. This was not limited to the simple please and thank you’s of a normal, polite society. No, this was extreme manners. Like eating with a napkin on your lap, elbows off the table, and asking to be excused when finished. We were never to say, “I’m full!” when we were done. My mom would tsk and say, “Estoy satisfecha,” which means, “I’m satisfied.” We were taught to address all adults with a Mr. or Mrs., to RSVP as soon as we received an invitation, and to always – ALWAYS – write a thank you note when you received a gift. Mom even had a rule: before you can use your new gift, you have to write a thank you note. You can't wear that new sweater, turn on that new Walkman, or spend that gift card until the thank you note was signed, sealed, and mailed.

This became a habit I continued into adulthood. When Volcano was born, the gifts were in abundance. On my husband’s side, he was the first grandchild, and the first great-grandchild. Even on my side of the family, where he was grandchild number 3, he was given plenty of gifts: toys, clothes, accessories. And I was diligent about those thank you notes. Volcano nor I never used a gift until the note had been written and mailed.

So when Volcano was about 18 months old and received a toy from one of my in-laws, I mentally started writing the thank you note, remembering the item and giver even as he was still ripping the paper open.

“Say thank you,” the in-law instructed him, before he had had the chance to do it on his own.

“Tankoo,” he said, turning the plastic boat over in his hands, examining it excitedly.

Then she patted me on the shoulder. “And don’t worry about a thank you note,” she added, still looking at Volcano with a smile. “I know your family doesn’t do those things.”

Was she reminding a toddler about thank you notes? Nope. I knew she was speaking to me. And it wasn’t a reassurance, like “You don’t need to write me a note.” No, it was a reminder. She expected one.

Where did she get this information that my family “doesn’t do those things”? At that time, I had been in the family for almost 5 years. Did she know how many thank you notes I had written in the past 29 years of my life? Did she know the insistence with which my mom used to nag and nag and nag my siblings and me to write those thank you notes? After every birthday, Christmas, First Communion, Confirmation, Graduation… the thank you notes had to be written. After my wedding, I spent days and weeks writing thank you notes until my hand cramped.

I seethed silently, but dutifully sent that thank you note. To this day she must have thought it was her idea.

Years later, when Monkey received a gift from another relative, the same thing happened. As Monkey pulled the new dress close to her, twirling around in pleasure, another relative said, “You know what you should do, sweetie?” Again, she was talking to my 4-year-old daughter. Not to me, right?

“You know what you should do sweetie?” she sang. “You should go home and take a picture of yourself in your new dress. Then you could write a sweet little thank you note and send it to me with the picture.”

Ugh. She had taken the idea right out of my mind. But who would know I had thought of it first? I was already thinking that I could take Monkey’s picture, and have her write some words to send to this relative. I had already thought of that. But it was too late. It was now her idea. So, again, I seethed silently inside, plastering a smile on my face as I folded the new dress back in the box to take home.

At least I knew my mom would believe me. She had trained me well.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-07-31T11:01:00.000-07:00

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
-- Rita Rudner

Showdown at the Shoreline

2009-07-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, while the kids were still little, I went on a little vacation. Hubby had to work that week, so the kids and I joined my parents and my sister for a little getaway to San Diego.

The place was great: they had a pool, play area for the kids, and a great bar and restaurant. We spent the days seeing the local attractions, lolling in the water at the nearby beaches, and relaxing in the sun.

A few days into the trip, we were standing in the lobby waiting for my dad. Suddenly we heard a woman talking loudly, complaining about being in a room next to some "screaming, crying kids." I couldn't help wondering who she was talking about, until she announced her room number loudly. It was the room next to ours. My sister covered her mouth, trying to muffle her laughter, while my jaw dropped open. The kids hadn't been that loud, had they?

The woman was going on and on, continuing her tirade against my kids and how noisy they were. Finally I turned the corner, faced her square-on, and announced, "That's us!"

The friend that had been listening suddenly bolted, leaving the other lady to do some huminah huminahs. Finally, gaining her composure, she cleared her throat and plastered a big smile on her face, saying, "Oh, but they are so cute!"

A little too late. As my mom always said to us growing up, "You never know."

You never know when the someone you are talking about is nearby. Or if someone can hear you, and they know that person. The best advice comes from Thumper, in the movie Bambi: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Lesson learned.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-07-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

"Don't you know by now that raising a child is always a work in progress?"
-- Millie, in Keeping Faith, by Jodi Picoult

Wait Until She's 4...

2009-07-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

This baby is so cute, trying to talk and actually being quite successful. The funniest part is her dad, who fluxuates between amusement and exhaustion, as he listens to her ramble.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-07-03T07:30:00.000-07:00

"My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors."
-- Bette Midler

Rules of Common Decency: Pixie's Remix

2009-06-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

In a previous post I added my own two cents on "The Worst (And Most Common) Etiquette Mistakes" by Foxy Festivities on Yahoo! Food. Thinking more about it, there are some I'd like to add.

Offense #13: Mind Your Own Business!
Since when is it any of your business how I raise my child? For some reason people feel the need to tell mothers how to feed, teach, discipline, comfort, and even wipe the a$$ of their child. As long as we're not doing anything immoral or illegal, it's really none of your business. If we wanted your opinion, we'd ask for it.

Offense # 14: Time-Wasters
Anyone who decides my time is not as important as theirs is in this category. This includes the store clerks at Old Navy who don't open the store until 10:15, even though their sign says they open at 10. This includes the woman in front of me at Safeway who can't seem to find her Club Card when it's time to swipe it in the register. This includes the person crossing the street in the middle of a busy intersection when the light is red, making us all stop and wait so we don't kill anyone. This includes the friend who constantly shows up late for playdates because she had "a few things to finish up before she left the house." And -- yes -- this includes my 4-year-old daughter, the Queen of All Time-Wasters, who thinks it's more important to try on boas and tutus than to get downstairs for breakfast so we're not late to school.

Offense # 15: People Who Forget Simple Rules of Etiquette
I really think that rudeness has become a growing trend in our society. There are so many people who don't hold the door for me when my hands are full, people who huff and puff or sigh loudly instead of saying "Excuse me" when they want to get by, and people who don't say "please" or "thank you" in everyday conversation. It's not just our children who need to mind their manners. Some adults need a refresher course, as well.

Offense # 16: Can I Have Some Space, Please?
Whether you're personally tailgating me or nudging me in the behind with your shopping cart, I get it. You’re in a hurry, and your time is more precious than mine. These are the opposite of the Time-Wasters. You have no concept of personal space. If I'm sitting in church, there's no reason to sit right on my lap (unless you're my child, then it's okay). On the other hand, I don't need you to make a large radius of space when you see me and my kids coming your way. For some reason, I see people waiting impatiently in their cars, eyes rolling, as I try to get my kids out of the minivan. The minivan has a sliding door, and there is plenty of room for them to get out. But instead they have to make a big show of letting me get the kids out first, while they do me the honor of waiting there. Do they know that childhood is not contagious? You can come close to us and we won't bite. (Well, most of us won't. Unless we're provoked... then all bets are off.)

Any more I forgot?

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-06-26T15:26:00.000-07:00

"Vacuums don't clean houses. People clean houses."
-- Marie Barone, played by Doris Roberts, on Everybody Loves Raymond

Rules of Common Decency

2009-06-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

Yahoo! Food's blog Foxy Festivities posted "The Worst (and Most Common) Etiquette Mistakes," and, I had to agree with them for the most part.

Offense #1: Neglecting to RSVP for an Event
What else can I say that hasn't been said in my previous post? And the girls agree with me here.

Offense #2: The Only One I Disagree With
The Foxy Festivities write, "How annoying is it when you go to dinner with four or more people, the check finally arrives, and one of your meal companions begins to divvy up the check down to the last penny?" Uh, that would be me! I have been stiffed on the bill so many times, that I made a vow not to let it happen to me again! Once Hubby and I went to a dinner with a bunch of other couples, and we were saving up for a house. Hubby ordered just an appetizer and I ordered a side salad. Everyone else was ordering drinks, appetizers, entrees, desserts, the works. Then, when the bill came, someone shouted, "Should we just say... $100 a couple?" I was piiiiiissed. That was the last time we went out with those people, and now... yes, I am the penny-pincher. But here's my solution: separate checks. Saves all the trouble.

Offense #3: People Who Can't Stand the Line
This has also been a subject of a previous post. The moaners who gripe and complain, the people who "tailgate" or even cut in line -- YOU are annoying. Even a kindergartner knows how to stand in line. And, guess what, you who pretend you don't see a line and start your own, or you who try and merge with the line: you're not fooling anyone.

Offense #4: Talking Only About Yourself
As I've said before, sometimes it's hard to hang out with other moms, because all they do is talk about how wonderful and brilliant and talented their kid is. I've even been cut-off mid-sentence so that a fellow mom could one-up me. It's ridiculous, not to mention out and out rude. Either you sound mean because your kid is doing better, or you sound stupid because he's not. Either way, it's a bad idea.

Offense #5: The Public Diaper Change

Again, I've addressed this topic in a previous post. There is no reason to change a poopy diaper around others -- it's just gross. And changing a wet diaper publicly should only be done when absolutely necessary. Nowadays there are plenty of places to change your little one.

Offense #6: Cell Phone Abuse

Did you know that you don't have to scream for the other person to hear you on a cell phone? (Really! It's true!) No one else cares about what you're talking about. It's pure selfishness and self-centeredness to think that your phone call is more important than anything else going on around you.

Offense # 7: Smokers

Thank God I live in Oregon where the rules about smoking are very strict. It seems to me that smokers are some of the most arrogant people: blowing it into the air without realizing we are all breathing nearby. Or throwing their burning butt on the ground without putting it out. Isn't that what trash cans are for -- for trash?

Offense #8: Bathroom Etiquette

Public bathrooms are called "public" because we all have to use them! So splattering on the seat or neglecting to flush is not just disgusting, it's unsanitary. Either practice your aim or clean up after yourself!

Offense #9: The Parking Lot Theif

If someone has their blinker on and is patiently waiting for a spot, it's theirs. And if you've already passed a spot up, it's gone. Simple rules that some people just ignore. Heaven forbid they have to walk a few extra yards to their destination.

Offense #10: Showing Your Tummy

Anyone who isn't between the ages 18 to 25, or isn't poolside or at the beach -- we don't want to see your belly. That includes joggers, people working in their front yard, or someone working out. Guys, girls... no discrimination here: keep your shirts on! And unless your Brandi Chastain, sports bras alone are not appropriate workout wear.

Offense # 11: Spitting in Public

Since when was this ever okay? It's hard to believe that people will just spit on the sidewalk or hock a lugee when the urge arises. It makes me dry-heave just to think about it. Like I tell my kids, "We only spit when we're brushing our teeth." And that goes double for adults.

Offense #12: Horn Abuse

People who honk just to express their emotions need to take Driver's Ed. again. Honk your horn only if you're trying to warn someone about a collision or problem. And when the light turns green, give me a second or two to take my foot off the brake and place it on the gas before you go leaning on your horn! It's not the Indy 500!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-06-19T06:21:00.000-07:00

"Housework, if it is done right, can kill you."
-- John Skow

Répondez S'il Vous Plaît, or: Why the Hell Don't You Tell Me Whether You're Coming or Not?!

2009-06-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

More and more often, I have found in my personal experience, that guests do not reply to me whether or not they plan to attend my parties, even when the RSVP is clearly printed on the invitation. Has rudeness really become such a growing trend in our society? Or, perhaps, the decline in RSVP's can be attributed to ignorance and not rudeness.

The term RSVP comes from the French expression "répondez s'il vous plaît", meaning "please respond". If RSVP is written on an invitation it means the invited guest must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. Yes, really.

Is this really that difficult? Especially in our world today, filled with telephones, fax machines, email, texts, IM, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace... the choice of communication tools is endless. Just tell me! Any which way you can. I feel like I'm in the Dr. Seuss book Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now: "The time has come. The time is now. Just RSVP! I don't care how!"

You get the invitation, you tell me whether or not you're coming as soon as possible! It's that simple. It does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming (the expression "regrets only" is reserved for that instance). It means that I need a definite head count for the planned event, and I need it by the date specified on the invitation.

An incomplete list of respondents can cause numerous problems for me, including difficulty in planning food, uncertainty over the number of party favors, and difficulties in planning appropriate seating, among other things. When an invited guest doesn't RSVP, it's just plain rude.

The worst yet, I had a lot of guests who never RSVP'd invited to my wedding. $200 a plate, and they couldn't tell me if they were going to eat it or not. You know that old saying, "What are you waiting for... an engraved invitation?" I guess even that engraved invitation wasn't enough.

So now that I'm throwing the kids birthday parties and Halloween parties and end-of-the-year parties, and the lack of RSVPs has actually gotten worse. I have now had to send out Reminder Notices: a follow-up email to people that have not yet RSVP'd, asking them, "Uh, haven't heard from you yet! Are you coming, or what?" (I'm not using those words, exactly, but that's what it feels like.) This means I am actually inviting them twice, even when they didn't have the courtesy to respond once. "Please, please come to my party! Won't you come to my party? PLEEEEEASE??"

Really, if you can't come, I understand. But just TELL ME! PLEASE!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-06-12T08:06:00.000-07:00

"Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I."
-- Anne Gibbons

It's Still a Thrill to Watch

2009-06-08T07:57:00.000-07:00

I usually don't review movies on this blog, but I just have to write about the 1963 comedy classic The Thrill of It All. It's an old movie, but I was surprised how the premise holds true to modern times (especially in this economy).

Doris Day plays a happily married housewife whose life changes dramatically when the president of a soap company decides she's the perfect TV spokesperson for his product. After the ads air, she becomes famous, and her doctor husband (James Garner) doesn't cope well with the change. It's great to see how much can change when a full-time mother goes into the work force: the house is in complete disarray, and the father is thrown for a loop when he's not the major breadwinner! It is at times a little chauvenistic (it was the 60's), but it touches on the importance of women, for not only children but for husbands as well. In a backhanded way it shows how important the many roles of a woman are to the success off a family.

One of the best parts of this movie are the kids. They remind me so much of my own: they both talk too loud, and they're constantly interrupting their parents in the middle of family discussions. The child actors are realistic and candid -- obviously not the jaded, overdone child actors of today. They're often frustrating, but always lovable... and hilarious! My favorite scene in the whole movie is the very first time we meet the kids: the mom is trying to give her daughter a bath when the phone rings. What occurs next is a very realistic reflection of daily household situations in my house.

The only part I don't like about this movie is the ending -- this is when the movie becomes annoyingly out of date. But don't let that deter you. It was the 60's, after all, and it's still a great film. I propose a remake, with a more modern, more updated ending. Maybe someone like Jennifer Aniston could play Doris Day's part, and Ben Affleck would be great for the husband.

I caught it on AMC, but you can also watch it on You Tube. And then, let me know what you think!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-06-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

"If everything's under control, you're going too slow."
-- Mario Andretti

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-05-29T07:49:00.000-07:00

"Motherhood is the strangest thing. It can be like being one's own Trojan horse."
-- Rebecca West

What Every Son or Daughter Needs to Understand Their Mom

2009-05-25T08:56:00.000-07:00

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-05-22T16:38:00.000-07:00

"[Motherhood] is all a big circus, and nobody who knows me believes I can manage. But sometimes I do."

-- Jane Seymour

If Mommies Ruled the World

2009-05-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

1. Starbucks would deliver.

2. The mall, library, post office, etc. would open at the same time you dropped your kids off at school, so you could start running my errands right away instead of waiting two hours. Then, you wouldn't have to rush through shopping in order to pick up the kids on time!

3. Laundry would burn enough calories as to count as your daily workout routine.

4. Moms would get a 6-figure salary, with medical benefits and dental, plus vacations and sick days. Just for being a mom.

5. Chocolate would be fat-free.

6. Litter boxes would clean themselves.

7. Coffee wouldn't just help you wake up in the morning. It would also prevent wrinkles, crankiness, fatigue, and weight gain.

8. Everyone would share the same compassion for children that moms do. Even politicians and lawmakers would put children first.

9. The word "Why" wouldn't be available for use until a child reaches 18 and has taken a verbal and written test on how to use it correctly.

10. Every other parent would share your same philosophies and values, making your discipline and rules identical.

Did I forget anything?

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-05-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."

-- Jennifer Unlimited

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

As we see here, being a great mom is just instinctual. It's a choice whether or not we screw it up.

Happy Mother's Day!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-05-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

"The other day my daughter accidentally head-butted me right in the crotch bone, and I just kept laughing, thinking about how only parents, soccer goalies, and giants have to worry about the head butt to the crotch."

-- Tina Fey

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-05-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.”
-– Chinese Proverb

(...and that mother is usually sitting next to me, telling me about it.)

A Lesson on Facebook Etiquette

2009-04-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

Some of my friends talked me into joining Facebook a couple of months ago. I have to admit, it has been fun to reconnect with old friends. I've had a lot of fun with the little quizzes, posting old pictures, and chatting with friends all the way from elementary school.

However, I am often turned off by some of the etiquette of certain members. Facebook has a feature called "status updates," which allows users to inform their friends of their current whereabouts, actions, or thoughts. It is not however, a user's opportunity to discuss personal information that they would not want otherwise posted all over the internet. Did they forget that everyone in their Friends' List, sometimes hundreds of people, can read their status? Here are some examples of some status updates that I have actually read, that I would like to file in the category of "Too Much Information."

... is 1cm, 20%, less than 3 weeks... hooray!

Yikes. Although I am very excited for her and happy about her upcoming delivery, I really don't want to know how much she has dilated. It brings a picture of her cervix to my mind, and that's not a pleasant thought. No offense.

... spent today in the emergency room with daughter...blood in underwear and urine and waiting for her culture.

Again, although I sympathize with a worried mother of a little girl, that is a lot of information. Perhaps she could've stopped at "emergency room with daughter" and then asked us all for prayers? Just a thought.

... just had a fight with the wife. It's gonna be a long weekend.

Is that supposed to be funny? Because posting your marital issues on the web is the number one way to multiply them. And why did he think we all wanted to know this?

Get the point? IT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Luckily, there's a website with some funny, clever, and interesting status updates to cancel this trend out. I often look at it for a quick laugh, or even to steal an idea when I can't think of my own (I admit it)! Just remember: with Facebook status updates, less is more. If we need any more information, we'll shoot you an email.

In Memory of My Dad

2009-04-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

My dad was always my hero. He was some superhuman being with incredible strength, vast knowledge, and omnipotent powers. He was always available for a hug, a trivia debate, or guy advice. He taught me how to shoot a free throw, critique a movie intelligently, make the perfect margarita, and to stand up for what I believe in.

My dad was always game for anything, wanting to help me out in any way he could at any time during my life. When I was a teacher, he dressed up as “Zero the Hero” to celebrate the hundredth day of school. For my MOMS Club, he dressed up as Santa for our Christmas party. I could always count on my dad.

But I think my fondest memories of my dad were after my kids were born. He was the perfect grandfather, and my kids absolutely loved him. My son called him “Da” when he was a baby, and the name stuck. My dad and Volcano used to dance around the room and sing silly songs together, making up the words as they went. My daughter loved it when Da read her stories or played dominoes with her. I feel so fortunate that my children got to know him so well, and it made me so happy that he in turn was there for my kids.

I am who I am today because of the great human being he was, and I'll always be grateful.

It only took 6 months to kill my dad. He was diagnosed last September with pancreatic cancer, and died last month. This once healthy and vibrant man tried chemotherapy, medications, and a vast amounts of treatments to fight it, but nothing worked. It only took six months. He lost the battle, like most patients who are diagnosed with this disease. There is only a 5% chance of survival once a patient is diagnosed. The disease usually goes undetected until it's advanced. By the time symptoms occur, diagnosing pancreatic cancer is usually relatively straightforward. Unfortunately, a cure is rarely possible at that point.

The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network is a nationwide network of people dedicated to working together to advance research, support patients and create hope for those affected by pancreatic cancer. Through them, my family and I have set up a fundraising effort in memory of my dad. Please look at both websites and consider making a contribution.

I don't want what happened to our family to happen to yours.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-03-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

“A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after.”
-- Peter De Vries

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly will be on vacation for Spring Break. We will return to our regularly scheduled program when we get back!

Do I Get to Learn a Secret Handshake?

2009-03-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks so much to Kally at A Little Bit of Life on the Side for this latest Blog Award! It's called the "Sisterhood Award," reminding me of my life in a sorority all those many years ago in college! Only, without the keg parties, back-stabbing, boyfriend-stealing, and gossiping!

Here are the rules for this award: Put the logo on your blog or post. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great attitude and/or gratitude! Be sure to link to your nominees within your post. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

So, I pass this award on to everyone in my "You Know What I Mean..." column, to the right. Also, everyone on my "Other Sites to Check Out" column, also to the right. These are the blogs I visit regularly, and make sure to keep up with. I know you'll enjoy them too.

And thanks, again, Kally!

SafetyCaps Giveaway Winner!

2009-03-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Lanxi at Chinese Take Away! She is the winner of my first freebie, giving away a free 24-pack of SafetyCaps!

Check out what Lanxi wrote about SafetyCaps on her own blog!

And if you didn't win, don't fret -- you can still order your own set of SafetyCaps at their website.

Thanks, Lanxi, and congratulations! Email me to claim your prize!

Mommy('s Birthday) Quote of the Week

2009-03-13T07:33:00.000-07:00

"Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened."
--Cora Harvey Armstrong

(Trust me, I know... Sunday's my birthday!)

How to Cook a Good Husband

2009-03-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

A good many husbands are spoiled by mismanagement in cooking and so are not as tender and good. Some women keep them too constantly in hot water; others let them freeze by their carelessness and indifference; others constantly keep them in a pickle. Some put them in a stew by irritating ways and words.

It cannot be supposed that any husband will be tender and good managed this way, but they are truly delicious if properly treated and he will keep you as long as you want to have him. In selecting your husband you should not be guided by the silvery appearance, as in buying mackerel, nor by the golden tint, as if you wanted salmon. Be sure and select him yourself as tastes differ. Don't go to the market for him, as the best are always brought to your door.

It is far better to have none unless you know how to cook him. A preserving kettle of finest porcelain is best, but if you have nothing but an earthenware pipkin, it will do with care. See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely washed and mended, with the required number of strings nicely sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong silk cord called comfort, as the one called duty is apt to be weak and they are apt to fly out of the kettle and be burned and crusty on the edges, since, like crabs and lobsters, you have to cook them alive.

Make a clear steady fire out of love, cleanliness and cheerfulness. Set him as near this as seems to agree with him. If he sputters and fizzles, do not be anxious; some husbands do this until they are quite done. Add a little sugar in the form of what confectioners call kisses, but no vinegar or pepper in any amount; a little spice improves them, but it must be used with judgment. Do not stick any sharp instrument into him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently; watch the while, lest he lie flat and too close to the kettle, and so become useless. You cannot fail to know when he is done. If thus treated you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he will stay with you as long as you want, unless you become careless and set him in too cold a place.

Thanks to Meredith for this internet find.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-03-06T07:54:00.000-08:00

"A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
-- Bill Cosby

Coats Aren't Cool?

2009-03-04T21:59:00.000-08:00

From the comic strip Frazz, in regards to a previous post (click to enlarge)...

Thanks to Mom for this internet find.

Ah-ha! So It's NOT Just Me!

2009-03-02T07:34:00.000-08:00

It sounds like Kelly Ripa's life took a page (or two) from my blog. On her show last week, she told viewers about her struggle with her son having an "apocalyptic meltdown" in public. Kelly's son put on a horrific public display to get what he wanted, but she held her ground.

But the similarities to my stories don't end there -- she had a nosy passerby stop to butt in, too!

(She is pictured here, imitating her son's tantrum: "going boneless.")

I guess celebrities aren't immune to tantrums, or the rudeness of buttinskis, either! (Check out the clip for Ripa's full story.)

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-02-27T07:34:00.000-08:00

"It is true that you may occasionally overhear a mother say, 'Children must have their naps. It's mother who knows best.' When what she really means by that is that she needs a rest."
-- Donna Evleth

P.S. Don't forget to enter my giveway for a free 24-pack of Safety Caps!

Now Why Didn't I Think of That? (Plus...a Freebie for You!)

2009-02-23T06:28:00.000-08:00

To be honest, I have never really childproofed my house. I never put the drawer latches or toilet locks on, never used the tricky door handle locks (that I struggle with when I'm at other people's homes). I instead enforce strict rules (with dire consequences) for children who climb on furniture, play in the toilets, or turn on and off any machines in the house. I keep poisonous cleaners in a high cupboard that only my husband can reach. And it's worked for our family.

But the one thing I did do when the kids were babies -- and still have even though they are much older -- was install outlet safety plugs on every outlet in the house. We've lived in three different homes, and that was the first thing I did when we moved in each time. And there they stay, even to this day, with my daughter 4 and my son is 6. Now that my kids are older -- and especially more dextrous (and more adventurous in Monkey's case) -- they have taken to popping off the outlet safety plugs. Who knows why? They're curious, maybe. But it got me concerned: what if they popped it in their mouth and choked on it? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of these "safety" plugs?

So I began looking for an alternative. Well, I found it, and thought I'd pass it on to you: SafetyCaps!

SafetyCaps are a wider and ventilated outlet safety plug that were invented by a dad with the same concerns as mine. They are the world's only oversized, ventilated outlet safety plug designed to eliminate suffocation. Inspired by the design of his daughter's pacifiers, inventor George De Cell made SafetyCaps to measure larger than a standard safety plug and contain two ventilation holes. That makes it a safety plug that's completely safe!

Now I have the SafetyCaps in my home and absolutely love them. The unique design makes the outlet covers themselves a safer choice -- for all around safety. You can see in the picture how much more they cover the outlet than my old safety plugs, and how they would be impossible to fit in a child's mouth.

I liked them so much, I contacted the inventor, George De Cell at SafetyCaps. He in turn has generously offered to give a 24-pack of SafetyCaps for FREE to one of my readers! To enter and win your own 24-pack of SafetyCaps, just leave a comment on this post by March 15th.

EXTRA ENTRIES -- You can do any of these things for an extra entry. Make sure to leave a separate comment for EACH thing you do:

(1) For THREE extra entries, Write Ellen OR Oprah and tell them that you think they should feature the SafetyCaps on their show. Don't forget to include a link in your email to them. (And, yes, if you email both of them, you get SIX extra entries!) Leave a comment telling me about each email you send.

(2) For TWO extra entries, follow my blog. Go over to my right sidebar and click on "Follow This Blog." Current followers count, too -- leave me a comment letting me know that you already follow me.

(3) For FIVE extra entries, blog about SafetyCaps on your blog and link it back to my blog and to Safety Caps. Make sure to leave a comment letting me know you did.

(4) For ONE extra entry, add my blog to your blogroll. Leave a comment letting me know you did.

Contest ends at 11:59pm PST on March 15th (my birthday, BTW) when I will draw a winner at random (from U.S. only) using a Truly Random Number Generator. I will notify the winner on March 16th and post it on my blog. They will then have 36 hours to respond before I will choose a new winner!

Good luck, and make sure you leave your comments for each entry!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-02-20T06:30:00.000-08:00

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."

-- Franklin P. Jones

I'm So Proud of My Little Smart Alec

2009-02-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

"I don't want to wear my jacket!" Volcano yelled as he was getting ready to walk to school. It was a typical Oregon morning -- drizzling rain and cool temperatures -- and he needed to wear that jacket.

"Why?" I asked him, handing it to him fiercely, looking at the clock. "You like getting wet on your way to school? You like being cold?"

"No! But Tyler always teases me," he explained. "He goes, 'Why are you wearing a jacket? It's not that cold.'"

I shook my head in frustration. Tyler is Volcano's best friend and our neighbor. The boys are in the same class and on the same soccer team, yet they fight like brothers. I've been witness to several nonsense arguments on our walks to school with Tyler -- like, who is the fastest at Mario Kart on the Wii or if Superman could beat a Transformer in a fight. And they always make up by the end.

Needless to say, Volcano put on his jacket and we were on our way. And needless to say, when we met up with Tyler, he looked at Volcano and asked pointedly, "What's with the jacket? It's not that cold."

I braced myself for yet another argument. Instead, Volcano stopped short and looked strangely at Tyler. "Why are you worrying so much about my clothes?" he asked him. "It's not like I'm wearing your clothes."

Tyler's face showed surprise, and then he just shrugged. I did my best to stifle my laughter, but caught Volcano's eye and gave him a wink. He smiled proudly back. We walked the rest of the way to school in silence.

I was so proud of him for finally sticking up for himself! Maybe it wasn't so bad raising a little smart a$$.

After all, he takes after his mom.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-02-13T06:24:00.000-08:00

"My kids are the reason for everything. The reason everything is out of place, broken, and dirty."

-- Unknown

And have a great Valentine's Day!!

Let's Hear It For Mom! (Part II)

2009-02-09T08:21:00.001-08:00

Yet another song about the best job in the world. Let me know which one you like better!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-01-30T07:13:00.000-08:00

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."

-- Ogden Nash

Lucky Number Six

2009-01-26T07:15:00.000-08:00

This was inspired by a post from Dad Stuff on Stuff in My Brain. I was tagged (albeit indirectly): all you have to do is go to your "My Pictures" file and find your sixth picture, then write a post about it.

This intrigued me. We've had a digital camera since 2001. That is, since before the children. What would I find when I looked at the sixth picture I have saved on my computer?

Well, here it is. This was taken on Hubby and my trip to Jamaica. I was lying on the beach, soaking in the beautiful scenary, and I wanted to capture my view on film. Isn't it beautiful? I relax (a little) just looking at the picture. This is my Happy Place.

Ahhhh... brings me back to those wistful days B.K. (Before Kids) when I could sleep in and stay out late. When I got a mani/pedi every other week. When Hubby and I ate dinner whenever we were hungry. When the phrase "time out" was only heard while watching a basketball game. When I could go to the bathroom without someone pounding on the door saying, "Mommy! She hit me!" When Hubby and I had the money to go on trips like this. (sigh...)

Can you tell it's already been one of those days?

Now it's your turn! Dig deep for your sixth picture, and post about it on your blog. And don't forget to link back here!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-01-23T07:59:00.000-08:00

"Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life."
-- Robert Byrne

(Too bad I love them so much!)

Let's Hear It for Mom!

2009-01-21T09:14:00.000-08:00

I only hope that someday Volcano or Monkey will write such poetry for me...

Behind Every Great Man...

2009-01-19T06:07:00.000-08:00

On this day we celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. But behind every great man... is his proud mother who instilled her values and morals in him. Without Alberta Williams King, there would be no MLK.

According to the King Encyclopedia, Martin Luther King, Jr. acknowledged his mother's positive influence on his life and moral development, deeming her "the best mother in the world." He described his mother as being "behind the scene setting forth those motherly cares, the lack of which leaves a missing link in life." He remembered his childhood as one of harmony spent "in a very congenial home situation," with parents who "always lived together very intimately."

"It is quite easy for me," King, Jr. wrote, "to think of a God of love mainly because I grew up in a family where love was central and lovely relationships were ever present."

Makes you realize how important we mommies (and daddies) are!

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-01-16T07:18:00.000-08:00

"I told him he was going to be so happy he picked me as a mom. I was gonna love him and support him no matter what he wanted to grow up to be... except a mime.... They just always freaked me out."

-- Jenny McCarthy, about holding her newborn son for the first time, in Baby Laughs.

Why Boys Need Parents

2009-01-14T07:52:00.000-08:00

"You did want me to wash the windows, didn't you?"
"Okay, now... how do I land?"
"Geronimo!"

Billy tries his hand at a science experiment about metal conductivity.

"Look out below!"

Dinner Table Topics

2009-01-12T08:01:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a long time, but it's back! As you may remember, Dinner Table Topics are family issues in the news that you can discuss at the dinner table (making sure to edit as necessary). So, set the table, pull up a chair, and get ready to discuss these things with your family!

Looks like moms aren't the only ones choosing to be full-time parents and raise their kids hands-on. At times, the dads are the ones being the at-home parent, and now there are plenty of resources for dads who take on this task. AtHomeDad.org gives resources, information, and connections to dads who have decided to make their children their sole occupation. There's even recipes and a humor page to occupy their time! I love it! (And they don't check I.D.'s: you don't only have to be a dad to read it!)

In Ohio news, a teen decided to shoot his parents after they took away his favorite video game. His mother died, but miraculously his father survived the injury. I definitely think the kid should be locked up forever (and get some serious psychiatric help). It makes you wonder why he had violent tendencies: the game he was playing was the violent game Halo 3. Maybe he shouldn't have started playing it in the first place. But, his priorities are in order -- when the teenager fled the scene, he only took one item with him: the Halo 3 game. Hmmm... I think we'll stick to our Wii Music.

And I'm still reeling from this story: Megan Meier was a 13-year-old girl who was being bullied on MySpace. As a result, she committed suicide. Lori Drew, Meiers' 48-year-old neighbor, admitted in a police report that she created a fictitious MySpace account and pretended to be a boy with a romantic interest in Megan. According to the police report, Drew created the profile to find out what Megan was saying online about her teenage daughter. However, the mother actually wrote hurtful and hateful things, such as "the world would be a better place without you." Shame on Lori Drew -- she needs to set a better example for her own daughter. High school is a cruel enough world with teenagers inhabiting it. We don't need mothers jumping into the melee to make it worse.

Mommy Quote of the Week

2009-01-09T07:54:00.000-08:00

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child!"

-- William Shakespeare, King Lear

Mom My Ride!

2009-01-07T08:10:00.000-08:00

You've heard of Pimp My Ride on MTV? Well, here's the version just for us moms!