How to Cook a Good Husband

A good many husbands are spoiled by mismanagement in cooking and so are not as tender and good. Some women keep them too constantly in hot water; others let them freeze by their carelessness and indifference; others constantly keep them in a pickle. Some put them in a stew by irritating ways and words.

It cannot be supposed that any husband will be tender and good managed this way, but they are truly delicious if properly treated and he will keep you as long as you want to have him. In selecting your husband you should not be guided by the silvery appearance, as in buying mackerel, nor by the golden tint, as if you wanted salmon. Be sure and select him yourself as tastes differ. Don't go to the market for him, as the best are always brought to your door.

It is far better to have none unless you know how to cook him. A preserving kettle of finest porcelain is best, but if you have nothing but an earthenware pipkin, it will do with care. See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely washed and mended, with the required number of strings nicely sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong silk cord called comfort, as the one called duty is apt to be weak and they are apt to fly out of the kettle and be burned and crusty on the edges, since, like crabs and lobsters, you have to cook them alive.

Make a clear steady fire out of love, cleanliness and cheerfulness. Set him as near this as seems to agree with him. If he sputters and fizzles, do not be anxious; some husbands do this until they are quite done. Add a little sugar in the form of what confectioners call kisses, but no vinegar or pepper in any amount; a little spice improves them, but it must be used with judgment. Do not stick any sharp instrument into him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently; watch the while, lest he lie flat and too close to the kettle, and so become useless. You cannot fail to know when he is done. If thus treated you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he will stay with you as long as you want, unless you become careless and set him in too cold a place.

Thanks to Meredith for this internet find.

Mommy Quote of the Week

"A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
-- Bill Cosby

Coats Aren't Cool?

From the comic strip Frazz, in regards to a previous post (click to enlarge)...











Thanks to Mom for this internet find.

Ah-ha! So It's NOT Just Me!

It sounds like Kelly Ripa's life took a page (or two) from my blog. On her show last week, she told viewers about her struggle with her son having an "apocalyptic meltdown" in public. Kelly's son put on a horrific public display to get what he wanted, but she held her ground.

But the similarities to my stories don't end there -- she had a nosy passerby stop to butt in, too!

(She is pictured here, imitating her son's tantrum: "going boneless.")

I guess celebrities aren't immune to tantrums, or the rudeness of buttinskis, either! (Check out the clip for Ripa's full story.)

Mommy Quote of the Week

"It is true that you may occasionally overhear a mother say, 'Children must have their naps. It's mother who knows best.' When what she really means by that is that she needs a rest."
-- Donna Evleth

P.S. Don't forget to enter my giveway for a free 24-pack of Safety Caps!

Now Why Didn't I Think of That? (Plus...a Freebie for You!)

To be honest, I have never really childproofed my house. I never put the drawer latches or toilet locks on, never used the tricky door handle locks (that I struggle with when I'm at other people's homes). I instead enforce strict rules (with dire consequences) for children who climb on furniture, play in the toilets, or turn on and off any machines in the house. I keep poisonous cleaners in a high cupboard that only my husband can reach. And it's worked for our family.

But the one thing I did do when the kids were babies -- and still have even though they are much older -- was install outlet safety plugs on every outlet in the house. We've lived in three different homes, and that was the first thing I did when we moved in each time. And there they stay, even to this day, with my daughter 4 and my son is 6. Now that my kids are older -- and especially more dextrous (and more adventurous in Monkey's case) -- they have taken to popping off the outlet safety plugs. Who knows why? They're curious, maybe. But it got me concerned: what if they popped it in their mouth and choked on it? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of these "safety" plugs?

So I began looking for an alternative. Well, I found it, and thought I'd pass it on to you: SafetyCaps!

SafetyCaps are a wider and ventilated outlet safety plug that were invented by a dad with the same concerns as mine. They are the world's only oversized, ventilated outlet safety plug designed to eliminate suffocation. Inspired by the design of his daughter's pacifiers, inventor George De Cell made SafetyCaps to measure larger than a standard safety plug and contain two ventilation holes. That makes it a safety plug that's completely safe!

Now I have the SafetyCaps in my home and absolutely love them. The unique design makes the outlet covers themselves a safer choice -- for all around safety. You can see in the picture how much more they cover the outlet than my old safety plugs, and how they would be impossible to fit in a child's mouth.

I liked them so much, I contacted the inventor, George De Cell at SafetyCaps. He in turn has generously offered to give a 24-pack of SafetyCaps for FREE to one of my readers! To enter and win your own 24-pack of SafetyCaps, just leave a comment on this post by March 15th.

EXTRA ENTRIES -- You can do any of these things for an extra entry. Make sure to leave a separate comment for EACH thing you do:

(1) For THREE extra entries, Write Ellen OR Oprah and tell them that you think they should feature the SafetyCaps on their show. Don't forget to include a link in your email to them. (And, yes, if you email both of them, you get SIX extra entries!) Leave a comment telling me about each email you send.

(2) For TWO extra entries, follow my blog. Go over to my right sidebar and click on "Follow This Blog." Current followers count, too -- leave me a comment letting me know that you already follow me.

(3) For FIVE extra entries, blog about SafetyCaps on your blog and link it back to my blog and to Safety Caps. Make sure to leave a comment letting me know you did.

(4) For ONE extra entry, add my blog to your blogroll. Leave a comment letting me know you did.

Contest ends at 11:59pm PST on March 15th (my birthday, BTW) when I will draw a winner at random (from U.S. only) using a Truly Random Number Generator. I will notify the winner on March 16th and post it on my blog. They will then have 36 hours to respond before I will choose a new winner!

Good luck, and make sure you leave your comments for each entry!

Mommy Quote of the Week

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."

-- Franklin P. Jones

I'm So Proud of My Little Smart Alec

"I don't want to wear my jacket!" Volcano yelled as he was getting ready to walk to school. It was a typical Oregon morning -- drizzling rain and cool temperatures -- and he needed to wear that jacket.

"Why?" I asked him, handing it to him fiercely, looking at the clock. "You like getting wet on your way to school? You like being cold?"

"No! But Tyler always teases me," he explained. "He goes, 'Why are you wearing a jacket? It's not that cold.'"

I shook my head in frustration. Tyler is Volcano's best friend and our neighbor. The boys are in the same class and on the same soccer team, yet they fight like brothers. I've been witness to several nonsense arguments on our walks to school with Tyler -- like, who is the fastest at Mario Kart on the Wii or if Superman could beat a Transformer in a fight. And they always make up by the end.

Needless to say, Volcano put on his jacket and we were on our way. And needless to say, when we met up with Tyler, he looked at Volcano and asked pointedly, "What's with the jacket? It's not that cold."

I braced myself for yet another argument. Instead, Volcano stopped short and looked strangely at Tyler. "Why are you worrying so much about my clothes?" he asked him. "It's not like I'm wearing your clothes."

Tyler's face showed surprise, and then he just shrugged. I did my best to stifle my laughter, but caught Volcano's eye and gave him a wink. He smiled proudly back. We walked the rest of the way to school in silence.

I was so proud of him for finally sticking up for himself! Maybe it wasn't so bad raising a little smart a$$.

After all, he takes after his mom.

Mommy Quote of the Week

"My kids are the reason for everything. The reason everything is out of place, broken, and dirty."

-- Unknown

And have a great Valentine's Day!!

Let's Hear It For Mom! (Part II)

Yet another song about the best job in the world. Let me know which one you like better!